Life Reflected in Art

The following is going to sound like a long whine, but it's not--or not quite. I have been thinking about how my frustrations about my job situation seem to be showing up in my knitting. You'd think I'd have more time to be careful about every stitch, and I am taking more time with some things, but I have this unfounded sense of urgency with knitting that I don't often have. So I'm explorring a correlation here, and it sounds like a whine because I'm correlating mistakes with frustration. Ah. Maybe it is a whine. Stop reading if you're not in the mood--I don't blame you.

Lately it seems that there are mistakes in everything I've been making. I put aside and plan to frog a sweater that I re-knit at least twice because I just couldn't seem to get it right. I re-knit a baby sweater because I held stitches for armholes too early, making them too small. I knit a stranded pattern and didn't realize my stitch count was off until I was attaching the pom pom.

Sunnyside Cardigan

There are small mistakes, too, like forgetting to do a jogless stripe or wonky bobbles. There are fudges, like settling for a stripe two rows shorter than the other stripes because I ran out of yarn, or letting the first mis-crossed cable go since I didn't notice it until many cables in (see baby sweater above).

Astrea Hat

Some mistakes I don't understand. I have one legwarmer that is shorter than the other, even though the row counts are the same. There's a hat that is a bit snug even though my gauge was spot on.

Legwarmers (maybe better as armwarmers?)

In nearly every project I have to make some sort of correction because I've made a mistake. It might just be tinking back a bit because I knit when I should have purled, but I am frequently making mistakes.

I started thinking about how all these mistakes create frustrations that I mostly either have to live with or fix, and how that's similar to what's happening in my life--at least as far as working goes. I have been unemployed for 8 months. I have applied for many jobs that seemed like a good fit, and I've gone on a few interviews. But I haven't been hired. There was one interview in which I completely misread the interviewers (I swear one of them was about to tell me I was the perfect candidate before she was cut off) but didn't score high enough to pass to the next round. I've had a lot of "your resume looks great, but it's just not a good fit." Mostly I've had a lot of radio silence.

I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong. Why can't I get my stitch counts right? What is missing from my resume or my responses that is preventing me from getting the job? I am a good knitter--expert, even. I have 16 years experience knitting. I also have 16 years experience as a folklorist. I have worked all the right folklore jobs (at a state agency, on a major festival, and independently), and I love what I do.

Why do I keep making mistakes? Why can't I get the job?

This one may have been error-free! Rikke Hat

Of course there are successes. I have done a couple jobs through TaskRabbit and get excellent reviews and a little buffer in the bank account. I have successful projects, like the very simple Rikke hat shown above. Those make me feel good, of course, and remind me that I am competent both at work and at knitting. But I'm still not in a full-time job. I'm still working on a project that I've already fudged and whose colors I don't really like. I'm still applying for jobs and listening to the crickets that follow.

Have you experienced your knitting or other crafting or art-making reflecting your life? 

The Calming Effects of Yarn

I was semi-voluntarily laid off last June. I have applied to so many jobs since then, and I've even had numerous interviews. But no offers. My unemployment benefits have been exhausted. I never expected to be unemployed for more than 6 months.  Emotions are running high right now.

A Verb for Keeping Warm Pioneer

I'm angry at anyone who thinks someone who is unemployed can just "go get a job" but is too lazy because they are getting "handouts." I am frustrated that I've spent a lot of money and time getting to where I am in my career but now I can't get hired, despite that Master's degree and 15 years of experience. I'm scared about whether I can manage to extend my savings to cover more than two more months. I'm disappointed in myself for not managing my money better. I'm confused about what I can do to improve my chances of getting a job. I'm dreading the thought of going back into a minimum-wage job (especially in this very expensive city) like retail (is this what my degree was for?). The strongest emotion I feel right now, however, is thankful to have a partner who will support me during this hard time. I can't imagine having to face this alone.

November Leaves

A couple weeks ago I was struggling with my emotions after reading up on current events. The situation in Oregon at the wildlife refuge has upset me beyond reason. It has highlighted some deep philosophical differences between me and some of the people I care deeply about, and that realization has knocked me over with sadness.

Simple House Slippers (for me!)

One thing that has kept me from sinking into a dark place has been pictures of yarn. I was reeling from the news (just general news, not anything in particular) when I took a break to scroll through Instagram. The first two pictures were of handspun yarn. All my stress melted away. I'd never felt something like that--a visceral calm from looking at a picture. Since then I've tried to temper my news reading with pictures of yarn. I have been trying to stop myself from compulsively checking Facebook and Twitter, since so much of what is posted there is news about whatever terrible thing is happening (and where I see the opinions of people I care about but don't agree with, which is something that has been hurting me lately. I just haven't been able to let that roll off my back like usual).

A Verb for Keeping Warm Flock (the yarn is much bluer in real life)

I would like to follow more people who post beautiful pictures of yarn, so if you have suggestions, please let me know. Instagram is a much happier place than other social media sites. Nearly every picture is of children I care about, cats, or knitting related. Not a bad place to live right now. Find me there at everywhereknitting.

Tartara

Stockpiling

I have quite the stack of hats and cowls and mitts with no home.  I'm thinking about finding a charity for the hats.  Then I know that they will be going to a good home.  The rest of the stuff, well, I guess I'll just keep piling up the stack.

Nouvelle

Lots of 1x1 Ribbing Hat for Brian

 
The sweater for April is finished.  I think it's a bit on the small side, but she looks good in it.  She looks good in most things, really.  I did not take photos of the sweater yet, though, so that will come later.

I was trying to think of a topic for this post, but I just feel like I'm whining a lot lately.  I can't find a job, even a retail job, so I'm getting stressed.  I had a terrible nightmare the other night about someone (who looked like Jack Nicholson in The Shining) threatening to shoot me.  I called 911, dropped to floor and started shouting the address, which was my Nana's address (now my cousin's).  I guess it's because that was the first address I had to memorize, since I went to Kindergarten at the school on her block.

I thought this post was going to be about all the cowls I've been knitting lately, but the truth is, I seem to be knitting a lot of hats.  The majority of the projects on my Ravelry page are hats, followed by things for babies (clothes and toys).  Cowls come in third.  When I'm searching for a pattern, I tend to save a lot of cowls.  I like the simplicity of the shape, I think.  A tube has great potential for all kinds of design details like cables and lace and colorwork.

Pretty Thing Cowl

Once I finish my current project (a pair of Foliage Mitts to use up some yarn), I think I need to knit another baby something for my favorite new guy.  It's been fun knitting for babies again.  Older kids are harder to knit for, for sure.  I do have a tunic in the queue to make for Renée, but I can't seem to pick up the needles. 

Left Handed Foliage

Fall

I admire anyone who works from home.  I find it incredibly difficult to focus on getting work done.  Just today I'm procrastinating on writing a letter that should be very easy to write.  I have a routine, for the most part, so that's not the problem.  I have a dedicated workspace, so that's not the problem (though I do get distracted by the internet).  I just have no gumption.  None.  It's not just the work, either.  I've been trying to go for a walk every day while it's nice here (70s and quite sunny), but that takes a lot of effort, too.  I'm also supposed to be job hunting, but I've got about a dozen tabs open with jobs that I would like but can't seem to apply for. 

I think it's because I feel like everything is on hold.  Of course, getting these things done, even walking, will help things to move forward.  This is a typical state for me, and also for my siblings.  We learned it from our mom.  Too bad we didn't learn to keep busy from our dad, who had hobbies and would work in the yard or on the car quite often.  On my good days I'm like that.  Most of the time, however, I fall into the "I should" mode, which means that nothing gets done.  My mom didn't work a regular job until my youngest brother was in school.  Before and during that time, she would talk about going back to college.  I think she would have loved to be in school.  She was a voracious reader and learned so much that way.  She also talked about becoming a party planner, which would have also been a great pursuit.  There were so many things that she wanted to do but could never muster the energy to put into action.  I can be the same way, and I know my sister and brothers do the same thing.  How do we snap out of it?

One thing that doesn't suffer is knitting.  Since much of my "I should" time is spent doing nothing, I end up spending that time knitting.  Too bad I'm not interested in designing.  Are there any jobs for people to just knit?  I could do that (though I think the competition would be stiff).

Since the last post, I mailed off a few things to my sister, who just moved to Denver.  Don't mind the pictures.  I should set up a light box, but, you know.

Bunny Nuggets

Wristers from leftover yarn.

Snake Skin Cowl from shiny Sublime Yarns Lustrous

Song of the Sea

Lovisa Armwarmers that I forgot to put the buttons on.

I'm working on an Essential Cardigan now for April.  April and her husband Jason, both friends from Elko, were nice enough to open their home to us.  We've been here four months, so I thought it was time to thank her.  Since I do nothing but knit, it's moving along quickly.

I have also finished a Shawl Collar Cowl and the Orbitus Hat.  Both of those and the Bunny Nuggets, wristers, and Lovisa Armwarmers were made  to use up stash. The Shawl Collar also used some extremely gorgeous Classic Elite Yarns MountainTop Chalet.  It is so soft and fluffy.  The cowl is quite bulky in the front, though, with all that overlapping fabric.  I think it needs to go to someone who lives in the arctic.